if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
