We're like a lot better than the average bears
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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