yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
