she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She said her name was "party"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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