I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
