she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
sarcasm needs its own font
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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