i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
