I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
