remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
