she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
