Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it because I queefed?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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