Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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