first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
