when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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