Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
