i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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