He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
