Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
