I wish my penis had an off switch
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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