i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
