So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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