so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
