We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
