Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
