One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
