just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
