I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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