Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
