I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just high enough for therapy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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