apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
not ubering you a puppy
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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