My nipple is on Facebook.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
