The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
