i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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