I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
