nut hugger
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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