Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
