Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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