eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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