There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
