Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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