The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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