There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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