i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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