So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
