whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
