just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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