I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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