this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
where am i from again
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
