there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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