im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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