my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
