dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
