i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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